1. I am doing NaNo this year. I bought a new laptop. I will do it! But i have a problem. I am not 100% behind my story idea. Here is the haps: for some reason, Dave and i started this experiment. We were going to write two completely different stories in the same universe. Everything we wrote informed the universe of the other, to occasional backpedaling consequences. We alternated writing in bits of mandated word count - 200 words? I don't remember. Anyway, it eventually stalled because as usual Dave's brain went in so many directions that it got too thin and sagged like an old spiderweb.
So Dave gave me the idea of rebooting my half for NaNo, mostly because i think he wants to see where it goes. As i do too, i am strongly considering it. Unfortunately, it's a little too much of a fantasy novel for my tastes. It's fun to play with stories of magic, but at the end of the day i feel Camus looking over my shoulder and i feel silly. So i may excise the main magic-ness and just keep smaller bits of it that i'm using for specific allegory. Though if i do that i'm really only keeping my main character's voice out of everything i wrote.
Anyway, as usual let me know and i'll let you into the googledocs if you want to follow along. I think this time i'll post snippets and wordcounts on here everyday to SHAME myself. Let's see if that works better than last year.
2. More explanation about the actual story: the main character is Z. Z lives in a world where, if one chooses, they can change their gender back and forth at will. Most people pick one around puberty-time, but there is a subset of the population that doesn't, and Z is one of those people. This magic i will almost definitely keep in no matter what. Dave added in magic in a general sense, we never really gave it many boundaries. There were all these branches of magic that were available, and his character had all this plant magic. It was encouraged that people specialize in a certain branch of magic, which Z did not because Z loves to be contrary more than almost anything. There were a few of my characters that were into weather magic, which gave me delightful opportunities for weather-related puns which i took whenever possible. So another option is to just keep in the weather magic and lose all the other kinds. Or actually make up a magical framework and keep in everything we talked about, or at least the more fully-formed parts of it. I will poll.
3. I am putting myself on record as saying the Bears will not go all the way this year. Week 5 prediction! I think they might make the playoffs but will not win. Next year! I still hate Cutler and his stupid way he pushes his helmet back.
4. Have i talked about my foot problems here? Either way, my foot is worse than ever. Forget running, i am now unable to walk with flip-flops in 60 degree weather without ridiculous pain. It felt like my toe was broken. Hopefully when i see the orthopedist next week he will solve all of my problems with magic. The real kind, drugswise, i mean. I'm not a super-athlete by any means, but it's very frustrating to be so physically limited by a toe. Even if i was dreading going to the gym, there was always that perfect moment, usually during the fast part of Pink Floyd's "Money" when i'd close my eyes and hit that stride and zing. Swimming and pilates are all well and good but it's not the same.
5. Work in the last month or two has been very busy. But between being sick last week and totally under-scheduling myself this week, i feel almost refreshed. When work is busy it's so easy to hate it. Though i did decide, especially in this economy, to keep this job for now despite the fact that i can't get a raise for money reasons. I decided to exploit both my free time and education benefits and just get my master's degree or something. I'm looking into it. There are a lot of choices.
10/06/2009
8/18/2009
Probably at least five things if you parse it
So i had half a post going about getting robbed and signing the new lease and when my sister came to visit (which was lovely.) But even though those things sucked, were awesome, and were delightful, they're not really what's weighing on my mind now.
I feel 25 looking at me with this look of, "So now what?" I wanted to take a few years off before going back to school so that i wanted to go and i could make some money and see what i really wanted to do. Industry has been fairly struck off the list for somewhat ethical and personal feelings. I'm not saying that everyone and everything coming out of industry science is unethical, but there's something down at the root of it that makes me feel twitchy, like lawyers who don't ask if you did it or not.
Yesterday i basically decided forever that i don't want to go to grad school. I am bored to tears by nearly every research in progress or guest presentation meeting. I love doing experiments and working with my hands and sussing out what's wrong and getting data. I do not love writing papers about that data and planning what comes next and clawing for my life at grant committees. Obviously grad school itself isn't the problem, i like classes and working in the lab. But there's nothing obviously there that i'm working toward. I don't want to run my own lab. I don't want to spend every waking minute at work or thinking about work. I don't want my children to love the nanny. Paul told me that there's lots of smart people without PhDs, but i can't help but feel like a disappointment.
It's traditional to blame your parents when things go wrong, but they taught me that happiness is most important. I don't feel a need to prove anything to anyone, or to change anything. (Though i do admit to being monumentally offended that Dave's friend asked if i was a waitress when i said my job involves pouring things.) I don't have the ambition. It is absent. But i also know that i would tear out my hair if i were to remain in this job for the rest of my life.
So there are really two paths that i can see before me. There are really only two professions that i've had experience with that seem like something i could do and keep doing, and are actually viable career choices. Teaching and nursing. And yes i know that i would be leaving a male-dominated-though-that's-changing environment to a profession that has been female dominated in any culture where ladies can get jobs.
Teaching i have a lot of experience with - obviously i grew up around them because of mom, and i was always doing tutoring projects for community service and TAing in college because i liked it. I always loved being able to help my brother with his homework, because his barrier to understanding was not due to any lack of brainpower but because textbooks and teachers didn't talk in the way that he needed to hear. (I don't mean that in any way to denigrate him.)
Ashley and i talk often about how every class is made up of a bell curve, and you can't teach to all of it. But while her gaze and interests have focused on the top of the curve, i always feel myself drawn to the bottom. There are so many children who are diagnosed and put down because their way of learning is different, and all they need is someone who will help them bend the words to their brain because they can't do the other way around. As schooling and tests become standardized, we do a great disservice to uniqueness and differences across the board. Teaching a child is giving the world a gift, isn't it? (And it is so weird that when children are at their most obnoxious and unteachable, middle school, that is when we teach them the most magical things, like Algebra and Biology.)
Nursing is something i'm considering only because of the exposure this job has given me to a hospital. Doctors are like professors, and nurses are lab techs. Nurses do. Doctors think. Obviously that's oversimplifying it, but i find myself drawn to the idea of aiding those in pain, in assuaging a hurt. I like a job that involves walking around, fixing things. I like the idea that i'd know how to help people in my daily life, that i'd have a valuable skill. But I also have seen that there are fifty million different levels and kinds of nurses, so i am very overwhelmed over how to pick and where to start. I know i'd love to be like one of the nurses i work with, doing patient studies and drug trials, helping out the science from the other and equally important end.
But do i really want all the gross parts of it too? Do i want to stick things up people's noses and into their skin and up their butts? (Anything's possible.) And with teaching - do i really want the long hours and thankless efforts and screamingcryingsmelly children? I don't know. I just know that i have to start figuring things out soon. Maybe there's nurse-lite volunteering i can do at the hospital? Maybe Ashley's school needs afterschool math/science tutors? My lazy post-undergrad time needs to come to an end, if only so i stop buying so many books. (If anyone has any comments/opinions, they would be much appreciated.)
I feel 25 looking at me with this look of, "So now what?" I wanted to take a few years off before going back to school so that i wanted to go and i could make some money and see what i really wanted to do. Industry has been fairly struck off the list for somewhat ethical and personal feelings. I'm not saying that everyone and everything coming out of industry science is unethical, but there's something down at the root of it that makes me feel twitchy, like lawyers who don't ask if you did it or not.
Yesterday i basically decided forever that i don't want to go to grad school. I am bored to tears by nearly every research in progress or guest presentation meeting. I love doing experiments and working with my hands and sussing out what's wrong and getting data. I do not love writing papers about that data and planning what comes next and clawing for my life at grant committees. Obviously grad school itself isn't the problem, i like classes and working in the lab. But there's nothing obviously there that i'm working toward. I don't want to run my own lab. I don't want to spend every waking minute at work or thinking about work. I don't want my children to love the nanny. Paul told me that there's lots of smart people without PhDs, but i can't help but feel like a disappointment.
It's traditional to blame your parents when things go wrong, but they taught me that happiness is most important. I don't feel a need to prove anything to anyone, or to change anything. (Though i do admit to being monumentally offended that Dave's friend asked if i was a waitress when i said my job involves pouring things.) I don't have the ambition. It is absent. But i also know that i would tear out my hair if i were to remain in this job for the rest of my life.
So there are really two paths that i can see before me. There are really only two professions that i've had experience with that seem like something i could do and keep doing, and are actually viable career choices. Teaching and nursing. And yes i know that i would be leaving a male-dominated-though-that's-changing environment to a profession that has been female dominated in any culture where ladies can get jobs.
Teaching i have a lot of experience with - obviously i grew up around them because of mom, and i was always doing tutoring projects for community service and TAing in college because i liked it. I always loved being able to help my brother with his homework, because his barrier to understanding was not due to any lack of brainpower but because textbooks and teachers didn't talk in the way that he needed to hear. (I don't mean that in any way to denigrate him.)
Ashley and i talk often about how every class is made up of a bell curve, and you can't teach to all of it. But while her gaze and interests have focused on the top of the curve, i always feel myself drawn to the bottom. There are so many children who are diagnosed and put down because their way of learning is different, and all they need is someone who will help them bend the words to their brain because they can't do the other way around. As schooling and tests become standardized, we do a great disservice to uniqueness and differences across the board. Teaching a child is giving the world a gift, isn't it? (And it is so weird that when children are at their most obnoxious and unteachable, middle school, that is when we teach them the most magical things, like Algebra and Biology.)
Nursing is something i'm considering only because of the exposure this job has given me to a hospital. Doctors are like professors, and nurses are lab techs. Nurses do. Doctors think. Obviously that's oversimplifying it, but i find myself drawn to the idea of aiding those in pain, in assuaging a hurt. I like a job that involves walking around, fixing things. I like the idea that i'd know how to help people in my daily life, that i'd have a valuable skill. But I also have seen that there are fifty million different levels and kinds of nurses, so i am very overwhelmed over how to pick and where to start. I know i'd love to be like one of the nurses i work with, doing patient studies and drug trials, helping out the science from the other and equally important end.
But do i really want all the gross parts of it too? Do i want to stick things up people's noses and into their skin and up their butts? (Anything's possible.) And with teaching - do i really want the long hours and thankless efforts and screamingcryingsmelly children? I don't know. I just know that i have to start figuring things out soon. Maybe there's nurse-lite volunteering i can do at the hospital? Maybe Ashley's school needs afterschool math/science tutors? My lazy post-undergrad time needs to come to an end, if only so i stop buying so many books. (If anyone has any comments/opinions, they would be much appreciated.)
7/24/2009
It's Pronounced Burly
1. So! Yesterday White Sock Mark Buehrle whose name i can't spell without looking it up threw a perfect game. It is like the 18th time it's happened EVER. (This = 1 in 11,000 games.) And i mean i give Buehrle tons of credit of course, but fielding is important too. Especially Wise's wall-jumping HR save in the top of the 9th.
I will regale you with some wikipedia-gleaned perfect game facts:
In 1965, Sandy Koufax's perfect game, the opposing pitcher only had one hit and one walk, which meant that the total number of baserunners in the entire game was 2. Talk about boring.
In 1968, perfect pitcher Catfish Hunter also batted 3-for-4 and scored the winning run.
In 1988, Tom Browning's perfect game started at 10 pm due to a rain delay.
In 1917, Babe Ruth walked his first batter and then was tossed out of the game after he assaulted the umpire. Ernie Shore replaced him, threw out the runner on first, and then retired the remaining 26 batters. I think this should count, personally.
In 1959, Harvey Haddix pitched 12 perfect innings, only to lose the game in the 13th inning due to a fielder error.
There have been 9 games that were perfect until the very last out.
There have been 8 games where imperfection was caused only by fielding errors.
2. In other news, i have this peach i bought yesterday that i've just been smelling all morning. It's perfectly ripe. The smell is so ambrosial it makes my eyelids flutter. I don't want to eat it because then it would cease to exist. And i'm freaking starving right now, so you know i'm serious. I wish i could post a link to the smell. Alas.
It is a wonderful time right now for peaches, nectarines, and blueberries. Om nom nom.
3. So mom being here was good. We went kayaking on the Chicago river which was fun and disgusting at the same time. Oh, those beautiful river otters aka rats. Also the current Second City mainstage show is so funny i had that face pain from over-smiling.
And now, next weekend, Victoria is coming! I am excited about this and also nervous, because i have to be a grown-up somewhat, and i don't want to be boring. We're going to go see the HP exhibit at MSI and Blue Man Group and excitement! I think it'll be fun. I'm excited about having adult relationships with my siblings. Not just potential organ donors anymore!
That's the thing about siblings really, there's no one else who can understand you the way they can. No one else who lived through your parents' particular brand of crazy. I think part of the reason we have such depth of feeling for family members is that we know absolutely everything bad about them, and once you do, how can you help but love someone? Their flaws become like your own: glaring, unavoidable, innate. A part of you.
I am not saying that family members can't be straight up jerks, and fully embrace the reality of hating certain ones.
4. I don't know if i've said it recently, but The Wire is the greatest thing ever. And i know that's a hipster cliche at this point, but most cliches exist for a reason. Watching it last night i completely forgot that it was all entirely fictional and those people are all actors. The children are a-maz-ing. And i almost vomited in terror several times as the truth kept dancing right out of Lester's reach.
The one complaint i do have about it is that this is the second time that a plot point has hinged on a convienent timing or situation. This is frustrating as a fiction-viewer. I guess it does happen in real life, but it doesn't happen nearly as often. It seems lazy.
I wonder how much of the show they had planned out in advance. Like they went to they guy playing Prez and said, "Don't worry about your police brutality in this scene. You're going to have a really great arc in season 4."
5. I have to really strongly recommend this book i just read, Blind Side. It's being made into a movie if you're lazy, but the book is really weirdly compelling. It's about the way the game of football has changed - that once quarterbacks became more valuable, so did people who attack quarterbacks, and then people who protect quarterbacks from the people attacking them. It's also about a kid from the inner city who gets adopted by a rich family. I just want to state for the record that my second favorite team to watch will be the Ravens, just to see how Michael plays.
I would also recommend Midnight's Children for anyone who wants to read a history of modern India and likes magical realism. I enjoyed it very much.
I will regale you with some wikipedia-gleaned perfect game facts:
In 1965, Sandy Koufax's perfect game, the opposing pitcher only had one hit and one walk, which meant that the total number of baserunners in the entire game was 2. Talk about boring.
In 1968, perfect pitcher Catfish Hunter also batted 3-for-4 and scored the winning run.
In 1988, Tom Browning's perfect game started at 10 pm due to a rain delay.
In 1917, Babe Ruth walked his first batter and then was tossed out of the game after he assaulted the umpire. Ernie Shore replaced him, threw out the runner on first, and then retired the remaining 26 batters. I think this should count, personally.
In 1959, Harvey Haddix pitched 12 perfect innings, only to lose the game in the 13th inning due to a fielder error.
There have been 9 games that were perfect until the very last out.
There have been 8 games where imperfection was caused only by fielding errors.
2. In other news, i have this peach i bought yesterday that i've just been smelling all morning. It's perfectly ripe. The smell is so ambrosial it makes my eyelids flutter. I don't want to eat it because then it would cease to exist. And i'm freaking starving right now, so you know i'm serious. I wish i could post a link to the smell. Alas.
It is a wonderful time right now for peaches, nectarines, and blueberries. Om nom nom.
3. So mom being here was good. We went kayaking on the Chicago river which was fun and disgusting at the same time. Oh, those beautiful river otters aka rats. Also the current Second City mainstage show is so funny i had that face pain from over-smiling.
And now, next weekend, Victoria is coming! I am excited about this and also nervous, because i have to be a grown-up somewhat, and i don't want to be boring. We're going to go see the HP exhibit at MSI and Blue Man Group and excitement! I think it'll be fun. I'm excited about having adult relationships with my siblings. Not just potential organ donors anymore!
That's the thing about siblings really, there's no one else who can understand you the way they can. No one else who lived through your parents' particular brand of crazy. I think part of the reason we have such depth of feeling for family members is that we know absolutely everything bad about them, and once you do, how can you help but love someone? Their flaws become like your own: glaring, unavoidable, innate. A part of you.
I am not saying that family members can't be straight up jerks, and fully embrace the reality of hating certain ones.
4. I don't know if i've said it recently, but The Wire is the greatest thing ever. And i know that's a hipster cliche at this point, but most cliches exist for a reason. Watching it last night i completely forgot that it was all entirely fictional and those people are all actors. The children are a-maz-ing. And i almost vomited in terror several times as the truth kept dancing right out of Lester's reach.
The one complaint i do have about it is that this is the second time that a plot point has hinged on a convienent timing or situation. This is frustrating as a fiction-viewer. I guess it does happen in real life, but it doesn't happen nearly as often. It seems lazy.
I wonder how much of the show they had planned out in advance. Like they went to they guy playing Prez and said, "Don't worry about your police brutality in this scene. You're going to have a really great arc in season 4."
5. I have to really strongly recommend this book i just read, Blind Side. It's being made into a movie if you're lazy, but the book is really weirdly compelling. It's about the way the game of football has changed - that once quarterbacks became more valuable, so did people who attack quarterbacks, and then people who protect quarterbacks from the people attacking them. It's also about a kid from the inner city who gets adopted by a rich family. I just want to state for the record that my second favorite team to watch will be the Ravens, just to see how Michael plays.
I would also recommend Midnight's Children for anyone who wants to read a history of modern India and likes magical realism. I enjoyed it very much.
7/01/2009
Dude, I Just, Like, Move The Dead Bodies
1. Excuse me while i blow the dust off this blog. The problem is really that i had no desire to pontificate. To shout out into the void. Mostly i was content just shouting at people directly. Also i was sort of busy at work/doing stupid crap in my off time. I also haven't been working on my novel because i want to take things in a completely different direction which is impossible without rewriting stuff i've already written which is tedious and encourages editing which at this stage is almost counterproductive.
Also, i've been reading a lot. Currently, Moneyball, Infinite Jest, and Midnight's Children. They are all delicious in completely different ways: candy, Thanksgiving, and going out to dinner. If you're looking for summer reading, Michael Lewis is lovely nonfiction summer candy.
2. This weekend: 4th, birthday; next weekend: mom's visiting. This means a lot of stuff will happen. Which is good, i guess. Summer is so exhausting. It's like we've got all this brain desire to do stuff because we've been cooped up all winter but our bodies are like wait, what? AKA i'm sleepy all the time but happy. It probably has a lot to do with the sun as well, where it's like 8pm and still light so it doesn't seem late. Unlike in the winter when 630 seems like bedtime.
Someone at work and i were talking about how we didn't have any bad falls this winter and then felt kind of nervous and said that we were not tempting fate in any way, shape or form. All bets are off next winter. In fact, i bet right now that i break both my arms. Prove me wrong, winter!
3. Oh, Iran. Iran Iran Iran. I have been following the HuffPo liveblog (hard to link to because it changes every day) and Andrew Sullivan has been doing a great job too. I think the American people have been really into this story because at heart i think a lot of people believe really strongly in our fundamental liberties. Peaceable assembly, reasonably fair elections, an available court of law, freedom of and to information. The idea of things on the internet being blocked - the internet! The idea of state-semisanctioned paramilitary groups running around beating people up for standing silently wearing green.
I had been very pleased that we were moving away from looking at the Middle East in viciously black and white terms, and the revolts have done this even more. It has been hilarious how many people learned from this revolution that Iranians are just like anyone else. (The Daily Show segments with Jason Jones in Iran were particularly good at reminding people of that.) My heart has just been seizing every time i read about the dangerous protests and illicit communications to the outside world. I just see no way this can end, well or otherwise, without huge changes coming from clerics who don't like Khamenei. Sigh, we'll see.
4. Paul and i were talking the other day about how a hell of a lot of important crap has been invented in the US. Cars, airplanes, lightbulbs, radio, telephones, TV, computers, internet, etc. These are freaking earth-changing things, all of them. It can't be a coincidence, right? So what does it mean?
Is there some kind of inherent American talent? Probably not. Unless you're talking about the fact that there's not really a genetic "American" and there's a huge gene pool and diversity of background which is technically best.
Is there something about American government/regulation/commerce that allows for this to happen? Paul had brought it up in the first place because lots of economists rail against all those things in this country, and yet. Doesn't seem to have been that bad, right? And you can't exactly give props to the education system, though science mastery can take credit from that.
We sort of had a half-assed answer, mostly based on the idea of the American "spirit". That the things we value as a society lend themselves to taking a huge risk that may end in abject failure. Trying to do something weird and crazy is a good thing, here. There's not as much baggage of tradition and the way things have to be done. There are a lot of immigrants who bring meldable things to the table. Though there are a lot of rich people, we don't idolize people who didn't do anything to earn their money. (Laugh at them, talk about them, watch their reality shows, yes.) We love the hard-lucky story, we as a nation pulled ourselves up from our bootstraps. Maybe it all comes down to Rockefeller.
5. Did i mention i'm going to start working with animals? Not in the cute way, but in the experiments on rats way. As an almost vegetarian, i sort of freaked out about it for a day or so but then i calmed down. My reasons for not eating meat are not animal-pain related or death-is-inherently-evil related. (I have, since we last talked, stopped eating fish because the overfishing problem is really serious.) It mostly is about global warming and that it is unnecessary for us to eat meat when there are perfectly reasonable (to me) alternatives. Also i just don't like it much. So none of my reasons have anything to do with a controlled environment where the sacrifice of animals is weighed against human need. (Though i don't like that we always use the word sacrifice because i think of that as something you volunteer to do.)
Anyway, if it had to be any animal, nothing could be better than a rat in the mammal department. If there was a rat in my house i would move. It's not like a mouse, which can be cute. Rats eat baby eyes. Also there's apparently like a 75% chance i will become allergic to them the more i work with them. Look, i'm trying to be positive about this. It hasn't started yet, so it's in the land of theoretical scariness. Once it happens it'll be like someone who works at the morgue and you're horrified when you ask them what's up with work but they're really blase about it and whatever.
Also, i've been reading a lot. Currently, Moneyball, Infinite Jest, and Midnight's Children. They are all delicious in completely different ways: candy, Thanksgiving, and going out to dinner. If you're looking for summer reading, Michael Lewis is lovely nonfiction summer candy.
2. This weekend: 4th, birthday; next weekend: mom's visiting. This means a lot of stuff will happen. Which is good, i guess. Summer is so exhausting. It's like we've got all this brain desire to do stuff because we've been cooped up all winter but our bodies are like wait, what? AKA i'm sleepy all the time but happy. It probably has a lot to do with the sun as well, where it's like 8pm and still light so it doesn't seem late. Unlike in the winter when 630 seems like bedtime.
Someone at work and i were talking about how we didn't have any bad falls this winter and then felt kind of nervous and said that we were not tempting fate in any way, shape or form. All bets are off next winter. In fact, i bet right now that i break both my arms. Prove me wrong, winter!
3. Oh, Iran. Iran Iran Iran. I have been following the HuffPo liveblog (hard to link to because it changes every day) and Andrew Sullivan has been doing a great job too. I think the American people have been really into this story because at heart i think a lot of people believe really strongly in our fundamental liberties. Peaceable assembly, reasonably fair elections, an available court of law, freedom of and to information. The idea of things on the internet being blocked - the internet! The idea of state-semisanctioned paramilitary groups running around beating people up for standing silently wearing green.
I had been very pleased that we were moving away from looking at the Middle East in viciously black and white terms, and the revolts have done this even more. It has been hilarious how many people learned from this revolution that Iranians are just like anyone else. (The Daily Show segments with Jason Jones in Iran were particularly good at reminding people of that.) My heart has just been seizing every time i read about the dangerous protests and illicit communications to the outside world. I just see no way this can end, well or otherwise, without huge changes coming from clerics who don't like Khamenei. Sigh, we'll see.
4. Paul and i were talking the other day about how a hell of a lot of important crap has been invented in the US. Cars, airplanes, lightbulbs, radio, telephones, TV, computers, internet, etc. These are freaking earth-changing things, all of them. It can't be a coincidence, right? So what does it mean?
Is there some kind of inherent American talent? Probably not. Unless you're talking about the fact that there's not really a genetic "American" and there's a huge gene pool and diversity of background which is technically best.
Is there something about American government/regulation/commerce that allows for this to happen? Paul had brought it up in the first place because lots of economists rail against all those things in this country, and yet. Doesn't seem to have been that bad, right? And you can't exactly give props to the education system, though science mastery can take credit from that.
We sort of had a half-assed answer, mostly based on the idea of the American "spirit". That the things we value as a society lend themselves to taking a huge risk that may end in abject failure. Trying to do something weird and crazy is a good thing, here. There's not as much baggage of tradition and the way things have to be done. There are a lot of immigrants who bring meldable things to the table. Though there are a lot of rich people, we don't idolize people who didn't do anything to earn their money. (Laugh at them, talk about them, watch their reality shows, yes.) We love the hard-lucky story, we as a nation pulled ourselves up from our bootstraps. Maybe it all comes down to Rockefeller.
5. Did i mention i'm going to start working with animals? Not in the cute way, but in the experiments on rats way. As an almost vegetarian, i sort of freaked out about it for a day or so but then i calmed down. My reasons for not eating meat are not animal-pain related or death-is-inherently-evil related. (I have, since we last talked, stopped eating fish because the overfishing problem is really serious.) It mostly is about global warming and that it is unnecessary for us to eat meat when there are perfectly reasonable (to me) alternatives. Also i just don't like it much. So none of my reasons have anything to do with a controlled environment where the sacrifice of animals is weighed against human need. (Though i don't like that we always use the word sacrifice because i think of that as something you volunteer to do.)
Anyway, if it had to be any animal, nothing could be better than a rat in the mammal department. If there was a rat in my house i would move. It's not like a mouse, which can be cute. Rats eat baby eyes. Also there's apparently like a 75% chance i will become allergic to them the more i work with them. Look, i'm trying to be positive about this. It hasn't started yet, so it's in the land of theoretical scariness. Once it happens it'll be like someone who works at the morgue and you're horrified when you ask them what's up with work but they're really blase about it and whatever.
5/20/2009
Just Straight Up An Awesome Poem
e.e. cummings
somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near
your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose
or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing
(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands
5/12/2009
One Thing Possibly Restated Five Times
I fell into a melancholy mood on the train home yesterday, and i felt like there was enough swirling around in my head to make it worth writing down. The trigger was the same one it usually is, music from high school, and the melancholy mostly came from the fact that it was Woman's Times. Not to mention that nothing allows for melancholy more than being surrounded by dozens of strangers who are doing their best to ignore each other. (I nearly fell on a girl today, and she shouted in surprise. What a difference between being 12 inches from someone as opposed to 6 inches.)
The thing that upsets me when i think about my life in Miami, is the fact that i don't miss it at all. I miss my family, of course, and the few people who were practically family too. I miss the rain that was so warm, it felt like you were swimming in it. But everything else that i tossed aside on my mad dash north, everything that lurks in facebook and those songs on my iPod, i don't care about at all.
Isn't that heartless? Weren't those my formative years, my intellectual and physical gestation before becoming the person i am now? Isn't that my shinning and carefree youth? Don't poets and movies dream of regaining seventeen?
I'd had the sense, at the time, that i was crippled in a lot of ways. School never presented a challenge that i didn't create myself. (I always feel compelled to bring up the fact that i was the only person in my school who got a 5 on AP Bio [60+ people took it.] I abstain because it sounds like bragging, when it's instead a educational symptom.) And i know i had friends, but never, though i tried desperately with her, never did i feel right.
Of course, no teenager does, so i went along with it. I was blisteringly arrogant and self-indulgent. It is impossible for me to articulate how much i hate that girl i was. She was cruel to those who loved her, unkind to those who admired her, and so self-lacerating that i almost forgive her for ignoring that love and admiration. She had never met someone enough like herself that she couldn't understand anyone. She never had a peer, not in the ways that counted. And that isn't all about intelligence, but also a fairly prematurely wizened way of looking at the world.
And, god, my heart still echoes with the blossom of her soul. To say that the first quarter in Chicago was revelatory is cliche and so very very apt. Every corner of her mind was alight. Every moment brought new joy through experience and even pain. She stayed up until four in the morning for no reason other than the fact that she finally had a reason. When people venerate college, i doubt they do it for the same reasons i do, but i can say without a shadow of a doubt that every part of me that is happy and whole was born on the four-square court in the Shorey House lounge. And yes, some of it crumbled, and yes my friendship with greg died in its infancy, but there is no diminishing the delight of being understood.
(My self-conscious side makes me stop and apologize for being arrogant. So it goes.)
Classes were important, i am not diminishing that in the slightest. They taught me how to craft and form my writing, how to properly analyze, helped me read the important books, showed me that nothing worth knowing comes easy. But it was my classmates that taught me how to choose your words to please an audience, how to remove your ego from an argument (often teaching by example), how to shut up and listen for once, how to criticize without being personal. It was my housemates who taught me that everything explicable is normal, not every important thing is explicable, and that everything important can be found in human relationships.
Before this turns into a UofC admissions brochure, i'll restate the original thesis in a way that incorporates my conclusions (the most important thing i ever learned there.) I can't miss that girl in miami and that life she led any more than a daffodil misses the bulb. On those days when i ignore the other commuters successfully and i look out at the sun over the rooftops and stand swaying with the train, i am utterly and completely satisfied and happy. I became the thing that was waiting to be born. And to me there's no point in going back.
The thing that upsets me when i think about my life in Miami, is the fact that i don't miss it at all. I miss my family, of course, and the few people who were practically family too. I miss the rain that was so warm, it felt like you were swimming in it. But everything else that i tossed aside on my mad dash north, everything that lurks in facebook and those songs on my iPod, i don't care about at all.
Isn't that heartless? Weren't those my formative years, my intellectual and physical gestation before becoming the person i am now? Isn't that my shinning and carefree youth? Don't poets and movies dream of regaining seventeen?
I'd had the sense, at the time, that i was crippled in a lot of ways. School never presented a challenge that i didn't create myself. (I always feel compelled to bring up the fact that i was the only person in my school who got a 5 on AP Bio [60+ people took it.] I abstain because it sounds like bragging, when it's instead a educational symptom.) And i know i had friends, but never, though i tried desperately with her, never did i feel right.
Of course, no teenager does, so i went along with it. I was blisteringly arrogant and self-indulgent. It is impossible for me to articulate how much i hate that girl i was. She was cruel to those who loved her, unkind to those who admired her, and so self-lacerating that i almost forgive her for ignoring that love and admiration. She had never met someone enough like herself that she couldn't understand anyone. She never had a peer, not in the ways that counted. And that isn't all about intelligence, but also a fairly prematurely wizened way of looking at the world.
And, god, my heart still echoes with the blossom of her soul. To say that the first quarter in Chicago was revelatory is cliche and so very very apt. Every corner of her mind was alight. Every moment brought new joy through experience and even pain. She stayed up until four in the morning for no reason other than the fact that she finally had a reason. When people venerate college, i doubt they do it for the same reasons i do, but i can say without a shadow of a doubt that every part of me that is happy and whole was born on the four-square court in the Shorey House lounge. And yes, some of it crumbled, and yes my friendship with greg died in its infancy, but there is no diminishing the delight of being understood.
(My self-conscious side makes me stop and apologize for being arrogant. So it goes.)
Classes were important, i am not diminishing that in the slightest. They taught me how to craft and form my writing, how to properly analyze, helped me read the important books, showed me that nothing worth knowing comes easy. But it was my classmates that taught me how to choose your words to please an audience, how to remove your ego from an argument (often teaching by example), how to shut up and listen for once, how to criticize without being personal. It was my housemates who taught me that everything explicable is normal, not every important thing is explicable, and that everything important can be found in human relationships.
Before this turns into a UofC admissions brochure, i'll restate the original thesis in a way that incorporates my conclusions (the most important thing i ever learned there.) I can't miss that girl in miami and that life she led any more than a daffodil misses the bulb. On those days when i ignore the other commuters successfully and i look out at the sun over the rooftops and stand swaying with the train, i am utterly and completely satisfied and happy. I became the thing that was waiting to be born. And to me there's no point in going back.
3/30/2009
I Just Lost My Pen For 10 Minutes (It Was In My Hair)
1. People are apparently not as into daffodils as i am. That's cool. I'll still be your friend. I'll just secretly think you're lame. You probably think roses or orchids are cool. They're not. But it's okay.
My new poll is about the flip side of spring, the dark, terrible side. Coincidentally today my sinuses have decided to be allergenic and i'm miserable. I really think your immune system should be consciously regulated if you want it to be.
Dear Immune System,
It's just pollen. No, seriously! Not harmful at all!! So ease the hell up, would you?
Thanks,
S.
2. I am officially caught up in my notebook, and i am officially still sort of not into doing any work. I'm doing my experiments that i have to do, but i am not really being proactive. Also the experiments aren't really working, which saps my enthusiasm. Every time you've spent like two weeks on something and it doesn't work at all is really lame. Because in two weeks any of those steps could have been the issue, and you have no idea which thing it was.
3. I found this really cool thing that i know would drive Paul crazy but i love. It's called Galaxy Zoo, and it's awesome. Basically, they've taken tons and tons of pictures of space, but now they need to know what they took pictures of. So they put up these pictures of galaxies, and you answer questions about their shapes and characteristics. They ask you to identify things that people can do much easier than a computer when analyzing complex images. Some of them are really cool-looking! And it's the perfect drone space-out activity.
4. We went over to A+C's this weekend ostensibly for basketball and board games but mostly to drink wine and eat pizza. There was macaroni and cheese pizza, which i still think is the perfect epitome of the midwest. Quick, take everything resembling vegetables off that thing and add more carbohydrates! Also we established that C and my mother are opposites. He expressed his desire to eat unhealthy things in front of her to freak her out.
Also i would maybe pay double for pizza with fresh freaking pineapple on it for once. I cannot stand that canned stuff.
5. Paul and Dave and i have been watching The Wire together, and it's basically life playing out for you on a little box, for real. It goes beyond being television, and beyond being art. I don't even understand how they can make characters so nuanced, dialogue so believable. Every character is compelling (other than goddamn Ziggy) and the worst moment is when the credits at the end of the episode start to roll and your brain realizes that you're on your own again.
In summary, it is the most awesome thing ever. Though Doctor Who Series 4 comes close.
My new poll is about the flip side of spring, the dark, terrible side. Coincidentally today my sinuses have decided to be allergenic and i'm miserable. I really think your immune system should be consciously regulated if you want it to be.
Dear Immune System,
It's just pollen. No, seriously! Not harmful at all!! So ease the hell up, would you?
Thanks,
S.
2. I am officially caught up in my notebook, and i am officially still sort of not into doing any work. I'm doing my experiments that i have to do, but i am not really being proactive. Also the experiments aren't really working, which saps my enthusiasm. Every time you've spent like two weeks on something and it doesn't work at all is really lame. Because in two weeks any of those steps could have been the issue, and you have no idea which thing it was.
3. I found this really cool thing that i know would drive Paul crazy but i love. It's called Galaxy Zoo, and it's awesome. Basically, they've taken tons and tons of pictures of space, but now they need to know what they took pictures of. So they put up these pictures of galaxies, and you answer questions about their shapes and characteristics. They ask you to identify things that people can do much easier than a computer when analyzing complex images. Some of them are really cool-looking! And it's the perfect drone space-out activity.
4. We went over to A+C's this weekend ostensibly for basketball and board games but mostly to drink wine and eat pizza. There was macaroni and cheese pizza, which i still think is the perfect epitome of the midwest. Quick, take everything resembling vegetables off that thing and add more carbohydrates! Also we established that C and my mother are opposites. He expressed his desire to eat unhealthy things in front of her to freak her out.
Also i would maybe pay double for pizza with fresh freaking pineapple on it for once. I cannot stand that canned stuff.
5. Paul and Dave and i have been watching The Wire together, and it's basically life playing out for you on a little box, for real. It goes beyond being television, and beyond being art. I don't even understand how they can make characters so nuanced, dialogue so believable. Every character is compelling (other than goddamn Ziggy) and the worst moment is when the credits at the end of the episode start to roll and your brain realizes that you're on your own again.
In summary, it is the most awesome thing ever. Though Doctor Who Series 4 comes close.
3/23/2009
I'm Talking About The Shining Impermanance Of Youth
1. Man i am annoyed about all this AIG bonus populist outrage. Maybe it's because my conception of the finance industry is from Paul, where bonuses are standard. Basically if you don't get a bonus it's the last warning before you get fired.
And seriously - no one is complaining about how much these people are making in their salary. If you want to say they're overpaid, fine. But just pretend like the bonus is part of their yearly wage and it seems much less ridiculous. As Paul says, the base salary is for the first 40 hours of your week and the bonus is for whatever else there is. But for these people to complain about the bonuses is ridiculous. I'm sorry that the standards of that industry are weird and outrageous to you, but that doesn't stop them from being standard.
2. Work is finally getting nice again. I'm catching up in my notebook, i have time to do all this safety crap, and here i am, blogging. My boss is out of town all week too, though i guess that doesn't really matter. I know what i have to do whether he's here or not.
Every time i speak to my father about my job he's re-incredulous about how little i get paid. I can't convey to him that this is what it is. That if i worked at UIC i'd be getting more than 10% less. To my dad, your worth is defined by your salary. Unfortunately for those of us who are overworked at a non-for-profit, you can't think about it like that. At my last job, which did pay more, one of the worst things about it was just thinking that what i did every day was so stupid. I don't have that problem anymore.
Though Paul agrees with my theory that dad thinks like that because his first real job was a cab driver.
3. I have decided that i'm going to follow the White Sox hardcore this year. I am even following spring training so you know i'm serious. And i'll be damned if those Sox aren't smacking the hell out of that ball. Their record isn't great, but they have a lot of pitchers that they're trying out so it's not that terrible.
I've decided to go to a Sox game at least once a month, and hopefully more if i get tickets from my old job aquaintences. That goal is somewhat hampered by the fact that people i know don't really like going to games, are Cubs fans, or don't even know the rules of the game of baseball. I need more friends.
I was exaggerating. Dave knows some of the rules.
4. Today i wrote some more of the children's book, though i don't know where it goes. Since i was waiting for my boss i wrote a scene where the kid who's mom works in a lab is waiting for her mother. Since there were scientific journals on the table i wrote that she didn't understand what they said. Then we both drew pictures of the cool microscopy pictures. They either look like aliens or alien landscapes. Then we talked about cells.
5. My new poll reflects the fact that it's freaking spring and i saw some daffodil leaves sprouting the other day. Daffodils are the greatest flower ever, no questions asked. No argument. They are so happy and so indicative of happiness that roses can shove off. Daffodils mean spring. They embody spring. They are the symbol of the end of the soul-crushing weariness that you didn't even notice all winter. They are bright yellow flower noses bobbing their heads at you in the warm breeze. They are the only thing that makes me see what H.H. was talking about in Lolita.
And seriously - no one is complaining about how much these people are making in their salary. If you want to say they're overpaid, fine. But just pretend like the bonus is part of their yearly wage and it seems much less ridiculous. As Paul says, the base salary is for the first 40 hours of your week and the bonus is for whatever else there is. But for these people to complain about the bonuses is ridiculous. I'm sorry that the standards of that industry are weird and outrageous to you, but that doesn't stop them from being standard.
2. Work is finally getting nice again. I'm catching up in my notebook, i have time to do all this safety crap, and here i am, blogging. My boss is out of town all week too, though i guess that doesn't really matter. I know what i have to do whether he's here or not.
Every time i speak to my father about my job he's re-incredulous about how little i get paid. I can't convey to him that this is what it is. That if i worked at UIC i'd be getting more than 10% less. To my dad, your worth is defined by your salary. Unfortunately for those of us who are overworked at a non-for-profit, you can't think about it like that. At my last job, which did pay more, one of the worst things about it was just thinking that what i did every day was so stupid. I don't have that problem anymore.
Though Paul agrees with my theory that dad thinks like that because his first real job was a cab driver.
3. I have decided that i'm going to follow the White Sox hardcore this year. I am even following spring training so you know i'm serious. And i'll be damned if those Sox aren't smacking the hell out of that ball. Their record isn't great, but they have a lot of pitchers that they're trying out so it's not that terrible.
I've decided to go to a Sox game at least once a month, and hopefully more if i get tickets from my old job aquaintences. That goal is somewhat hampered by the fact that people i know don't really like going to games, are Cubs fans, or don't even know the rules of the game of baseball. I need more friends.
I was exaggerating. Dave knows some of the rules.
4. Today i wrote some more of the children's book, though i don't know where it goes. Since i was waiting for my boss i wrote a scene where the kid who's mom works in a lab is waiting for her mother. Since there were scientific journals on the table i wrote that she didn't understand what they said. Then we both drew pictures of the cool microscopy pictures. They either look like aliens or alien landscapes. Then we talked about cells.
5. My new poll reflects the fact that it's freaking spring and i saw some daffodil leaves sprouting the other day. Daffodils are the greatest flower ever, no questions asked. No argument. They are so happy and so indicative of happiness that roses can shove off. Daffodils mean spring. They embody spring. They are the symbol of the end of the soul-crushing weariness that you didn't even notice all winter. They are bright yellow flower noses bobbing their heads at you in the warm breeze. They are the only thing that makes me see what H.H. was talking about in Lolita.
2/18/2009
Eliot The Fat Fat Cat
1. So things are settling down a bit. I have spent the beginning of the week still frantic, but now that some things are done and other things are moving forward, it's easier. My boss seems to be happy with the results so far, and i feel more comfortable that things are actually going to work.
Which means that today i'm finally just waiting for a PCR to run and i have enough time to just sit a little and plan ahead for more and get caught up in my notebook (i'm really behind, actually.) Also to write.
2. So, my novel. I sort of stopped writing in it because i got to the point that i always do, to wit, i read other books and realize that they're much better than my novel. Which is sort of not helpful, i know. But the plot still needs work, no matter how much i love the detective. I've been working on something else, something i'm a bit less passionate about but i'll give it some time.
One of my old grade school teachers called me a while back and told me an idea for a children's book series. She was coming at it from a purely money-making standpoint. She thought i should write stories about children who solve mysteries using real science. That way parents would want to buy them because the kids would secretly be learning. Also she said it should be a group of kids that is very inorganically planned to run the gamut of things kids could identify with.
It was a very mercenary approach to a story which gave me an initial feeling of revulsion. Plus i had no desire to write children's books, since it seemed like you'd have to contstrain your writing so much to keep it at the right level. So i played with it out of consideration but eventually shelved it in my brain. But then the other day i started thinking about it again.
I have a table i made of all the kids and their likes and dislikes and tics - there's a black kid, a deaf kid, an adopted Chinese girl, a kid with glasses, some twins that come from a poor family, and so on. I decided that most of them are on the same soccer team to give a reason for them to meet and be together. I've come up with a few mysteries that could concievably be solved by 5th graders using math and science. We'll see.
3. Well, all that really should have counted as more than one thing, but what can you do. The wine poll had the wonderful result of me winning once again! In a decisive 3-2 victory, white wine reigns supreme. What it really indicates is that my blog is read by a bunch of girls.
I have been on a very anti-alcohol kick recently. Not conciously, it never really is, but sometimes i just go out of my way to avoid it because i'm happy being in my own head. I've had a number of times in the last month where i've just been so deleriously happy just riding home on the train that it makes me sure i'm doing something right in my life.
4. Last weekend i volunteered at this great animal shelter here in Chicago called PAWS. They are mostly volunteer based, and it was really cool to see all those people on a Sunday playing with the animals and trying to help them find a home. I walked this one dog named Mac who was a chow mix just like the dog we had a home when i was growing up. He was so fluffy and layabout that he seemed just like Peaches the rug. Though he was much more energetic when i was walking him and he thought he could catch a squirrel.
Then i was working with the cat socialization. Basically the cats are just hanging out in these cages until there's enough space in the nice place on the north side for people to go see them. But these are cats mostly rescued from the pound who were about to be killed and had been more or less neglected and scared for a few weeks. So the volunteers just try to get them to come out of the cage and be petted without freaking out. There was this one fatty named Eliot who weighed 30 lbs. It was sad to see but he was so sweet it didn't matter. And then there was another tiny one who seemed so underfed it made me sad. But he warmed up too.
I didn't start to get depressed until i realized that all of the animals had literally been abandoned by people. It's not like they were wild and ravenous, they were just abandoned. PAWS doesn't take the animals from the pound until the last minute before they'd be put down, to give owners as much time as possible to come and pick them up. I'll probably go back again soon even though it's so far away.
5. And the new poll: this is something i've been thinking about for years, and i always go back and forth. There are things to be said for both sides.
Which means that today i'm finally just waiting for a PCR to run and i have enough time to just sit a little and plan ahead for more and get caught up in my notebook (i'm really behind, actually.) Also to write.
2. So, my novel. I sort of stopped writing in it because i got to the point that i always do, to wit, i read other books and realize that they're much better than my novel. Which is sort of not helpful, i know. But the plot still needs work, no matter how much i love the detective. I've been working on something else, something i'm a bit less passionate about but i'll give it some time.
One of my old grade school teachers called me a while back and told me an idea for a children's book series. She was coming at it from a purely money-making standpoint. She thought i should write stories about children who solve mysteries using real science. That way parents would want to buy them because the kids would secretly be learning. Also she said it should be a group of kids that is very inorganically planned to run the gamut of things kids could identify with.
It was a very mercenary approach to a story which gave me an initial feeling of revulsion. Plus i had no desire to write children's books, since it seemed like you'd have to contstrain your writing so much to keep it at the right level. So i played with it out of consideration but eventually shelved it in my brain. But then the other day i started thinking about it again.
I have a table i made of all the kids and their likes and dislikes and tics - there's a black kid, a deaf kid, an adopted Chinese girl, a kid with glasses, some twins that come from a poor family, and so on. I decided that most of them are on the same soccer team to give a reason for them to meet and be together. I've come up with a few mysteries that could concievably be solved by 5th graders using math and science. We'll see.
3. Well, all that really should have counted as more than one thing, but what can you do. The wine poll had the wonderful result of me winning once again! In a decisive 3-2 victory, white wine reigns supreme. What it really indicates is that my blog is read by a bunch of girls.
I have been on a very anti-alcohol kick recently. Not conciously, it never really is, but sometimes i just go out of my way to avoid it because i'm happy being in my own head. I've had a number of times in the last month where i've just been so deleriously happy just riding home on the train that it makes me sure i'm doing something right in my life.
4. Last weekend i volunteered at this great animal shelter here in Chicago called PAWS. They are mostly volunteer based, and it was really cool to see all those people on a Sunday playing with the animals and trying to help them find a home. I walked this one dog named Mac who was a chow mix just like the dog we had a home when i was growing up. He was so fluffy and layabout that he seemed just like Peaches the rug. Though he was much more energetic when i was walking him and he thought he could catch a squirrel.
Then i was working with the cat socialization. Basically the cats are just hanging out in these cages until there's enough space in the nice place on the north side for people to go see them. But these are cats mostly rescued from the pound who were about to be killed and had been more or less neglected and scared for a few weeks. So the volunteers just try to get them to come out of the cage and be petted without freaking out. There was this one fatty named Eliot who weighed 30 lbs. It was sad to see but he was so sweet it didn't matter. And then there was another tiny one who seemed so underfed it made me sad. But he warmed up too.
I didn't start to get depressed until i realized that all of the animals had literally been abandoned by people. It's not like they were wild and ravenous, they were just abandoned. PAWS doesn't take the animals from the pound until the last minute before they'd be put down, to give owners as much time as possible to come and pick them up. I'll probably go back again soon even though it's so far away.
5. And the new poll: this is something i've been thinking about for years, and i always go back and forth. There are things to be said for both sides.
2/06/2009
Southern Hungary
1. I am reading this gigantic book by David Foster Wallace called Infinite Jest. When Wallace killed himself last year everyone and their mother was talking about him and writing retrospectives. I'd heard of him, but never read anything. I read a few of his short stories and using amazon reviews decided that Infinite Jest was if not the best at least the most Wallace-y of them all and decided to get into it.
I am actually really enjoying it so far. The introduction (by David Eggers, Ashley) was sort of scary in that it was making the book seem like a really difficult read but trying to get the reader to still give it a try. So far it's not exactly an easy read, but after Dante nothing really seems that bad. It's certainly a book that engages you critically and it's not throwing itself at you, message-wise. But it is in no way impenetrable, it's not like Hegel or something. And anyway there was already one great line that knocked me out of my socks and made me stop reading because it was such a perfect sentence:
The sun like a sneaky keyhole view of hell.
Amazing.
2. So things at work have been stressful lately. Anytime you start a new project in science you never know how it's going to shake down. Sometimes you can try an assay and it works perfectly the first time. Sometimes it never works. Sometimes it works perfectly only once and then never again. Sometimes it's always sort of murky. As i've started saying, science is like a cat: it somehow knows what you want it to do and therefore does the exact opposite.
Anyway. My boss has been sort of anxious about this set of experiments i'm doing now, because he has a timeline for a grant resubmission that he needs to meet. So, of course, there have been problems with all three experiments. All different problems. I don't take it personally, i mean sometimes these things take time and it's not my fault. (Except for the on time when i did something stupid and then lied to my boss about it. I mean i didn't lie that it was ruined, but i didn't tell him about my stupidity. I blamed the cells. Sorry, cells.)
3. My new poll has once again validated my opinions. Pineapple has a plurality vote with citrus, which i'm pretty okay with. I was surprised that no one went with berries, considering how expensive they are. Oh, man! I just realized that i totally left out grapes! Laaaaaaaame. Sorry, grapes!
Anyway. I'll make it up to grapes and have a wine poll.
4. I just joined a gym through work (thanks, Mom.) It's actually really really nice. The lockers in the changing room are really innovatively locking, and there's actually conditioner in the showers. Plus they have tons of machines so i could easily use the one i wanted and it was great. Just listened to Rachel and spaced out for 40 minutes. They have a pool but i haven't investigated it yet, maybe tomorrow. The problem I've always had with swimming is that if the water is cold, i have negative zero desire to jump in. So it's usually easier to just go to the stupid machines instead.
5. So my work computer is kind of broken, and as i'm writing this now i'm in safe mode and for some reason the screen resolution refuses to change out of absurdly zoomed in. Someone is going to reformat it and reinstall everything. Here's hoping. I'm also terrified that i'll have forgotten to back up something and my boss will be mad.
Ugh, things are just really annoying at work right now. And this weekend i have to do laundry and my taxes and finish that thing for A+C and clean the house and just decompress. Maybe actually go outside when it's warmer.
I am actually really enjoying it so far. The introduction (by David Eggers, Ashley) was sort of scary in that it was making the book seem like a really difficult read but trying to get the reader to still give it a try. So far it's not exactly an easy read, but after Dante nothing really seems that bad. It's certainly a book that engages you critically and it's not throwing itself at you, message-wise. But it is in no way impenetrable, it's not like Hegel or something. And anyway there was already one great line that knocked me out of my socks and made me stop reading because it was such a perfect sentence:
The sun like a sneaky keyhole view of hell.
Amazing.
2. So things at work have been stressful lately. Anytime you start a new project in science you never know how it's going to shake down. Sometimes you can try an assay and it works perfectly the first time. Sometimes it never works. Sometimes it works perfectly only once and then never again. Sometimes it's always sort of murky. As i've started saying, science is like a cat: it somehow knows what you want it to do and therefore does the exact opposite.
Anyway. My boss has been sort of anxious about this set of experiments i'm doing now, because he has a timeline for a grant resubmission that he needs to meet. So, of course, there have been problems with all three experiments. All different problems. I don't take it personally, i mean sometimes these things take time and it's not my fault. (Except for the on time when i did something stupid and then lied to my boss about it. I mean i didn't lie that it was ruined, but i didn't tell him about my stupidity. I blamed the cells. Sorry, cells.)
3. My new poll has once again validated my opinions. Pineapple has a plurality vote with citrus, which i'm pretty okay with. I was surprised that no one went with berries, considering how expensive they are. Oh, man! I just realized that i totally left out grapes! Laaaaaaaame. Sorry, grapes!
Anyway. I'll make it up to grapes and have a wine poll.
4. I just joined a gym through work (thanks, Mom.) It's actually really really nice. The lockers in the changing room are really innovatively locking, and there's actually conditioner in the showers. Plus they have tons of machines so i could easily use the one i wanted and it was great. Just listened to Rachel and spaced out for 40 minutes. They have a pool but i haven't investigated it yet, maybe tomorrow. The problem I've always had with swimming is that if the water is cold, i have negative zero desire to jump in. So it's usually easier to just go to the stupid machines instead.
5. So my work computer is kind of broken, and as i'm writing this now i'm in safe mode and for some reason the screen resolution refuses to change out of absurdly zoomed in. Someone is going to reformat it and reinstall everything. Here's hoping. I'm also terrified that i'll have forgotten to back up something and my boss will be mad.
Ugh, things are just really annoying at work right now. And this weekend i have to do laundry and my taxes and finish that thing for A+C and clean the house and just decompress. Maybe actually go outside when it's warmer.
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