1. Excuse me while i blow the dust off this blog. The problem is really that i had no desire to pontificate. To shout out into the void. Mostly i was content just shouting at people directly. Also i was sort of busy at work/doing stupid crap in my off time. I also haven't been working on my novel because i want to take things in a completely different direction which is impossible without rewriting stuff i've already written which is tedious and encourages editing which at this stage is almost counterproductive.
Also, i've been reading a lot. Currently, Moneyball, Infinite Jest, and Midnight's Children. They are all delicious in completely different ways: candy, Thanksgiving, and going out to dinner. If you're looking for summer reading, Michael Lewis is lovely nonfiction summer candy.
2. This weekend: 4th, birthday; next weekend: mom's visiting. This means a lot of stuff will happen. Which is good, i guess. Summer is so exhausting. It's like we've got all this brain desire to do stuff because we've been cooped up all winter but our bodies are like wait, what? AKA i'm sleepy all the time but happy. It probably has a lot to do with the sun as well, where it's like 8pm and still light so it doesn't seem late. Unlike in the winter when 630 seems like bedtime.
Someone at work and i were talking about how we didn't have any bad falls this winter and then felt kind of nervous and said that we were not tempting fate in any way, shape or form. All bets are off next winter. In fact, i bet right now that i break both my arms. Prove me wrong, winter!
3. Oh, Iran. Iran Iran Iran. I have been following the HuffPo liveblog (hard to link to because it changes every day) and Andrew Sullivan has been doing a great job too. I think the American people have been really into this story because at heart i think a lot of people believe really strongly in our fundamental liberties. Peaceable assembly, reasonably fair elections, an available court of law, freedom of and to information. The idea of things on the internet being blocked - the internet! The idea of state-semisanctioned paramilitary groups running around beating people up for standing silently wearing green.
I had been very pleased that we were moving away from looking at the Middle East in viciously black and white terms, and the revolts have done this even more. It has been hilarious how many people learned from this revolution that Iranians are just like anyone else. (The Daily Show segments with Jason Jones in Iran were particularly good at reminding people of that.) My heart has just been seizing every time i read about the dangerous protests and illicit communications to the outside world. I just see no way this can end, well or otherwise, without huge changes coming from clerics who don't like Khamenei. Sigh, we'll see.
4. Paul and i were talking the other day about how a hell of a lot of important crap has been invented in the US. Cars, airplanes, lightbulbs, radio, telephones, TV, computers, internet, etc. These are freaking earth-changing things, all of them. It can't be a coincidence, right? So what does it mean?
Is there some kind of inherent American talent? Probably not. Unless you're talking about the fact that there's not really a genetic "American" and there's a huge gene pool and diversity of background which is technically best.
Is there something about American government/regulation/commerce that allows for this to happen? Paul had brought it up in the first place because lots of economists rail against all those things in this country, and yet. Doesn't seem to have been that bad, right? And you can't exactly give props to the education system, though science mastery can take credit from that.
We sort of had a half-assed answer, mostly based on the idea of the American "spirit". That the things we value as a society lend themselves to taking a huge risk that may end in abject failure. Trying to do something weird and crazy is a good thing, here. There's not as much baggage of tradition and the way things have to be done. There are a lot of immigrants who bring meldable things to the table. Though there are a lot of rich people, we don't idolize people who didn't do anything to earn their money. (Laugh at them, talk about them, watch their reality shows, yes.) We love the hard-lucky story, we as a nation pulled ourselves up from our bootstraps. Maybe it all comes down to Rockefeller.
5. Did i mention i'm going to start working with animals? Not in the cute way, but in the experiments on rats way. As an almost vegetarian, i sort of freaked out about it for a day or so but then i calmed down. My reasons for not eating meat are not animal-pain related or death-is-inherently-evil related. (I have, since we last talked, stopped eating fish because the overfishing problem is really serious.) It mostly is about global warming and that it is unnecessary for us to eat meat when there are perfectly reasonable (to me) alternatives. Also i just don't like it much. So none of my reasons have anything to do with a controlled environment where the sacrifice of animals is weighed against human need. (Though i don't like that we always use the word sacrifice because i think of that as something you volunteer to do.)
Anyway, if it had to be any animal, nothing could be better than a rat in the mammal department. If there was a rat in my house i would move. It's not like a mouse, which can be cute. Rats eat baby eyes. Also there's apparently like a 75% chance i will become allergic to them the more i work with them. Look, i'm trying to be positive about this. It hasn't started yet, so it's in the land of theoretical scariness. Once it happens it'll be like someone who works at the morgue and you're horrified when you ask them what's up with work but they're really blase about it and whatever.
7/01/2009
5/20/2009
Just Straight Up An Awesome Poem
e.e. cummings
somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near
your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose
or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing
(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands
5/12/2009
One Thing Possibly Restated Five Times
I fell into a melancholy mood on the train home yesterday, and i felt like there was enough swirling around in my head to make it worth writing down. The trigger was the same one it usually is, music from high school, and the melancholy mostly came from the fact that it was Woman's Times. Not to mention that nothing allows for melancholy more than being surrounded by dozens of strangers who are doing their best to ignore each other. (I nearly fell on a girl today, and she shouted in surprise. What a difference between being 12 inches from someone as opposed to 6 inches.)
The thing that upsets me when i think about my life in Miami, is the fact that i don't miss it at all. I miss my family, of course, and the few people who were practically family too. I miss the rain that was so warm, it felt like you were swimming in it. But everything else that i tossed aside on my mad dash north, everything that lurks in facebook and those songs on my iPod, i don't care about at all.
Isn't that heartless? Weren't those my formative years, my intellectual and physical gestation before becoming the person i am now? Isn't that my shinning and carefree youth? Don't poets and movies dream of regaining seventeen?
I'd had the sense, at the time, that i was crippled in a lot of ways. School never presented a challenge that i didn't create myself. (I always feel compelled to bring up the fact that i was the only person in my school who got a 5 on AP Bio [60+ people took it.] I abstain because it sounds like bragging, when it's instead a educational symptom.) And i know i had friends, but never, though i tried desperately with her, never did i feel right.
Of course, no teenager does, so i went along with it. I was blisteringly arrogant and self-indulgent. It is impossible for me to articulate how much i hate that girl i was. She was cruel to those who loved her, unkind to those who admired her, and so self-lacerating that i almost forgive her for ignoring that love and admiration. She had never met someone enough like herself that she couldn't understand anyone. She never had a peer, not in the ways that counted. And that isn't all about intelligence, but also a fairly prematurely wizened way of looking at the world.
And, god, my heart still echoes with the blossom of her soul. To say that the first quarter in Chicago was revelatory is cliche and so very very apt. Every corner of her mind was alight. Every moment brought new joy through experience and even pain. She stayed up until four in the morning for no reason other than the fact that she finally had a reason. When people venerate college, i doubt they do it for the same reasons i do, but i can say without a shadow of a doubt that every part of me that is happy and whole was born on the four-square court in the Shorey House lounge. And yes, some of it crumbled, and yes my friendship with greg died in its infancy, but there is no diminishing the delight of being understood.
(My self-conscious side makes me stop and apologize for being arrogant. So it goes.)
Classes were important, i am not diminishing that in the slightest. They taught me how to craft and form my writing, how to properly analyze, helped me read the important books, showed me that nothing worth knowing comes easy. But it was my classmates that taught me how to choose your words to please an audience, how to remove your ego from an argument (often teaching by example), how to shut up and listen for once, how to criticize without being personal. It was my housemates who taught me that everything explicable is normal, not every important thing is explicable, and that everything important can be found in human relationships.
Before this turns into a UofC admissions brochure, i'll restate the original thesis in a way that incorporates my conclusions (the most important thing i ever learned there.) I can't miss that girl in miami and that life she led any more than a daffodil misses the bulb. On those days when i ignore the other commuters successfully and i look out at the sun over the rooftops and stand swaying with the train, i am utterly and completely satisfied and happy. I became the thing that was waiting to be born. And to me there's no point in going back.
The thing that upsets me when i think about my life in Miami, is the fact that i don't miss it at all. I miss my family, of course, and the few people who were practically family too. I miss the rain that was so warm, it felt like you were swimming in it. But everything else that i tossed aside on my mad dash north, everything that lurks in facebook and those songs on my iPod, i don't care about at all.
Isn't that heartless? Weren't those my formative years, my intellectual and physical gestation before becoming the person i am now? Isn't that my shinning and carefree youth? Don't poets and movies dream of regaining seventeen?
I'd had the sense, at the time, that i was crippled in a lot of ways. School never presented a challenge that i didn't create myself. (I always feel compelled to bring up the fact that i was the only person in my school who got a 5 on AP Bio [60+ people took it.] I abstain because it sounds like bragging, when it's instead a educational symptom.) And i know i had friends, but never, though i tried desperately with her, never did i feel right.
Of course, no teenager does, so i went along with it. I was blisteringly arrogant and self-indulgent. It is impossible for me to articulate how much i hate that girl i was. She was cruel to those who loved her, unkind to those who admired her, and so self-lacerating that i almost forgive her for ignoring that love and admiration. She had never met someone enough like herself that she couldn't understand anyone. She never had a peer, not in the ways that counted. And that isn't all about intelligence, but also a fairly prematurely wizened way of looking at the world.
And, god, my heart still echoes with the blossom of her soul. To say that the first quarter in Chicago was revelatory is cliche and so very very apt. Every corner of her mind was alight. Every moment brought new joy through experience and even pain. She stayed up until four in the morning for no reason other than the fact that she finally had a reason. When people venerate college, i doubt they do it for the same reasons i do, but i can say without a shadow of a doubt that every part of me that is happy and whole was born on the four-square court in the Shorey House lounge. And yes, some of it crumbled, and yes my friendship with greg died in its infancy, but there is no diminishing the delight of being understood.
(My self-conscious side makes me stop and apologize for being arrogant. So it goes.)
Classes were important, i am not diminishing that in the slightest. They taught me how to craft and form my writing, how to properly analyze, helped me read the important books, showed me that nothing worth knowing comes easy. But it was my classmates that taught me how to choose your words to please an audience, how to remove your ego from an argument (often teaching by example), how to shut up and listen for once, how to criticize without being personal. It was my housemates who taught me that everything explicable is normal, not every important thing is explicable, and that everything important can be found in human relationships.
Before this turns into a UofC admissions brochure, i'll restate the original thesis in a way that incorporates my conclusions (the most important thing i ever learned there.) I can't miss that girl in miami and that life she led any more than a daffodil misses the bulb. On those days when i ignore the other commuters successfully and i look out at the sun over the rooftops and stand swaying with the train, i am utterly and completely satisfied and happy. I became the thing that was waiting to be born. And to me there's no point in going back.
3/30/2009
I Just Lost My Pen For 10 Minutes (It Was In My Hair)
1. People are apparently not as into daffodils as i am. That's cool. I'll still be your friend. I'll just secretly think you're lame. You probably think roses or orchids are cool. They're not. But it's okay.
My new poll is about the flip side of spring, the dark, terrible side. Coincidentally today my sinuses have decided to be allergenic and i'm miserable. I really think your immune system should be consciously regulated if you want it to be.
Dear Immune System,
It's just pollen. No, seriously! Not harmful at all!! So ease the hell up, would you?
Thanks,
S.
2. I am officially caught up in my notebook, and i am officially still sort of not into doing any work. I'm doing my experiments that i have to do, but i am not really being proactive. Also the experiments aren't really working, which saps my enthusiasm. Every time you've spent like two weeks on something and it doesn't work at all is really lame. Because in two weeks any of those steps could have been the issue, and you have no idea which thing it was.
3. I found this really cool thing that i know would drive Paul crazy but i love. It's called Galaxy Zoo, and it's awesome. Basically, they've taken tons and tons of pictures of space, but now they need to know what they took pictures of. So they put up these pictures of galaxies, and you answer questions about their shapes and characteristics. They ask you to identify things that people can do much easier than a computer when analyzing complex images. Some of them are really cool-looking! And it's the perfect drone space-out activity.
4. We went over to A+C's this weekend ostensibly for basketball and board games but mostly to drink wine and eat pizza. There was macaroni and cheese pizza, which i still think is the perfect epitome of the midwest. Quick, take everything resembling vegetables off that thing and add more carbohydrates! Also we established that C and my mother are opposites. He expressed his desire to eat unhealthy things in front of her to freak her out.
Also i would maybe pay double for pizza with fresh freaking pineapple on it for once. I cannot stand that canned stuff.
5. Paul and Dave and i have been watching The Wire together, and it's basically life playing out for you on a little box, for real. It goes beyond being television, and beyond being art. I don't even understand how they can make characters so nuanced, dialogue so believable. Every character is compelling (other than goddamn Ziggy) and the worst moment is when the credits at the end of the episode start to roll and your brain realizes that you're on your own again.
In summary, it is the most awesome thing ever. Though Doctor Who Series 4 comes close.
My new poll is about the flip side of spring, the dark, terrible side. Coincidentally today my sinuses have decided to be allergenic and i'm miserable. I really think your immune system should be consciously regulated if you want it to be.
Dear Immune System,
It's just pollen. No, seriously! Not harmful at all!! So ease the hell up, would you?
Thanks,
S.
2. I am officially caught up in my notebook, and i am officially still sort of not into doing any work. I'm doing my experiments that i have to do, but i am not really being proactive. Also the experiments aren't really working, which saps my enthusiasm. Every time you've spent like two weeks on something and it doesn't work at all is really lame. Because in two weeks any of those steps could have been the issue, and you have no idea which thing it was.
3. I found this really cool thing that i know would drive Paul crazy but i love. It's called Galaxy Zoo, and it's awesome. Basically, they've taken tons and tons of pictures of space, but now they need to know what they took pictures of. So they put up these pictures of galaxies, and you answer questions about their shapes and characteristics. They ask you to identify things that people can do much easier than a computer when analyzing complex images. Some of them are really cool-looking! And it's the perfect drone space-out activity.
4. We went over to A+C's this weekend ostensibly for basketball and board games but mostly to drink wine and eat pizza. There was macaroni and cheese pizza, which i still think is the perfect epitome of the midwest. Quick, take everything resembling vegetables off that thing and add more carbohydrates! Also we established that C and my mother are opposites. He expressed his desire to eat unhealthy things in front of her to freak her out.
Also i would maybe pay double for pizza with fresh freaking pineapple on it for once. I cannot stand that canned stuff.
5. Paul and Dave and i have been watching The Wire together, and it's basically life playing out for you on a little box, for real. It goes beyond being television, and beyond being art. I don't even understand how they can make characters so nuanced, dialogue so believable. Every character is compelling (other than goddamn Ziggy) and the worst moment is when the credits at the end of the episode start to roll and your brain realizes that you're on your own again.
In summary, it is the most awesome thing ever. Though Doctor Who Series 4 comes close.
3/23/2009
I'm Talking About The Shining Impermanance Of Youth
1. Man i am annoyed about all this AIG bonus populist outrage. Maybe it's because my conception of the finance industry is from Paul, where bonuses are standard. Basically if you don't get a bonus it's the last warning before you get fired.
And seriously - no one is complaining about how much these people are making in their salary. If you want to say they're overpaid, fine. But just pretend like the bonus is part of their yearly wage and it seems much less ridiculous. As Paul says, the base salary is for the first 40 hours of your week and the bonus is for whatever else there is. But for these people to complain about the bonuses is ridiculous. I'm sorry that the standards of that industry are weird and outrageous to you, but that doesn't stop them from being standard.
2. Work is finally getting nice again. I'm catching up in my notebook, i have time to do all this safety crap, and here i am, blogging. My boss is out of town all week too, though i guess that doesn't really matter. I know what i have to do whether he's here or not.
Every time i speak to my father about my job he's re-incredulous about how little i get paid. I can't convey to him that this is what it is. That if i worked at UIC i'd be getting more than 10% less. To my dad, your worth is defined by your salary. Unfortunately for those of us who are overworked at a non-for-profit, you can't think about it like that. At my last job, which did pay more, one of the worst things about it was just thinking that what i did every day was so stupid. I don't have that problem anymore.
Though Paul agrees with my theory that dad thinks like that because his first real job was a cab driver.
3. I have decided that i'm going to follow the White Sox hardcore this year. I am even following spring training so you know i'm serious. And i'll be damned if those Sox aren't smacking the hell out of that ball. Their record isn't great, but they have a lot of pitchers that they're trying out so it's not that terrible.
I've decided to go to a Sox game at least once a month, and hopefully more if i get tickets from my old job aquaintences. That goal is somewhat hampered by the fact that people i know don't really like going to games, are Cubs fans, or don't even know the rules of the game of baseball. I need more friends.
I was exaggerating. Dave knows some of the rules.
4. Today i wrote some more of the children's book, though i don't know where it goes. Since i was waiting for my boss i wrote a scene where the kid who's mom works in a lab is waiting for her mother. Since there were scientific journals on the table i wrote that she didn't understand what they said. Then we both drew pictures of the cool microscopy pictures. They either look like aliens or alien landscapes. Then we talked about cells.
5. My new poll reflects the fact that it's freaking spring and i saw some daffodil leaves sprouting the other day. Daffodils are the greatest flower ever, no questions asked. No argument. They are so happy and so indicative of happiness that roses can shove off. Daffodils mean spring. They embody spring. They are the symbol of the end of the soul-crushing weariness that you didn't even notice all winter. They are bright yellow flower noses bobbing their heads at you in the warm breeze. They are the only thing that makes me see what H.H. was talking about in Lolita.
And seriously - no one is complaining about how much these people are making in their salary. If you want to say they're overpaid, fine. But just pretend like the bonus is part of their yearly wage and it seems much less ridiculous. As Paul says, the base salary is for the first 40 hours of your week and the bonus is for whatever else there is. But for these people to complain about the bonuses is ridiculous. I'm sorry that the standards of that industry are weird and outrageous to you, but that doesn't stop them from being standard.
2. Work is finally getting nice again. I'm catching up in my notebook, i have time to do all this safety crap, and here i am, blogging. My boss is out of town all week too, though i guess that doesn't really matter. I know what i have to do whether he's here or not.
Every time i speak to my father about my job he's re-incredulous about how little i get paid. I can't convey to him that this is what it is. That if i worked at UIC i'd be getting more than 10% less. To my dad, your worth is defined by your salary. Unfortunately for those of us who are overworked at a non-for-profit, you can't think about it like that. At my last job, which did pay more, one of the worst things about it was just thinking that what i did every day was so stupid. I don't have that problem anymore.
Though Paul agrees with my theory that dad thinks like that because his first real job was a cab driver.
3. I have decided that i'm going to follow the White Sox hardcore this year. I am even following spring training so you know i'm serious. And i'll be damned if those Sox aren't smacking the hell out of that ball. Their record isn't great, but they have a lot of pitchers that they're trying out so it's not that terrible.
I've decided to go to a Sox game at least once a month, and hopefully more if i get tickets from my old job aquaintences. That goal is somewhat hampered by the fact that people i know don't really like going to games, are Cubs fans, or don't even know the rules of the game of baseball. I need more friends.
I was exaggerating. Dave knows some of the rules.
4. Today i wrote some more of the children's book, though i don't know where it goes. Since i was waiting for my boss i wrote a scene where the kid who's mom works in a lab is waiting for her mother. Since there were scientific journals on the table i wrote that she didn't understand what they said. Then we both drew pictures of the cool microscopy pictures. They either look like aliens or alien landscapes. Then we talked about cells.
5. My new poll reflects the fact that it's freaking spring and i saw some daffodil leaves sprouting the other day. Daffodils are the greatest flower ever, no questions asked. No argument. They are so happy and so indicative of happiness that roses can shove off. Daffodils mean spring. They embody spring. They are the symbol of the end of the soul-crushing weariness that you didn't even notice all winter. They are bright yellow flower noses bobbing their heads at you in the warm breeze. They are the only thing that makes me see what H.H. was talking about in Lolita.
2/18/2009
Eliot The Fat Fat Cat
1. So things are settling down a bit. I have spent the beginning of the week still frantic, but now that some things are done and other things are moving forward, it's easier. My boss seems to be happy with the results so far, and i feel more comfortable that things are actually going to work.
Which means that today i'm finally just waiting for a PCR to run and i have enough time to just sit a little and plan ahead for more and get caught up in my notebook (i'm really behind, actually.) Also to write.
2. So, my novel. I sort of stopped writing in it because i got to the point that i always do, to wit, i read other books and realize that they're much better than my novel. Which is sort of not helpful, i know. But the plot still needs work, no matter how much i love the detective. I've been working on something else, something i'm a bit less passionate about but i'll give it some time.
One of my old grade school teachers called me a while back and told me an idea for a children's book series. She was coming at it from a purely money-making standpoint. She thought i should write stories about children who solve mysteries using real science. That way parents would want to buy them because the kids would secretly be learning. Also she said it should be a group of kids that is very inorganically planned to run the gamut of things kids could identify with.
It was a very mercenary approach to a story which gave me an initial feeling of revulsion. Plus i had no desire to write children's books, since it seemed like you'd have to contstrain your writing so much to keep it at the right level. So i played with it out of consideration but eventually shelved it in my brain. But then the other day i started thinking about it again.
I have a table i made of all the kids and their likes and dislikes and tics - there's a black kid, a deaf kid, an adopted Chinese girl, a kid with glasses, some twins that come from a poor family, and so on. I decided that most of them are on the same soccer team to give a reason for them to meet and be together. I've come up with a few mysteries that could concievably be solved by 5th graders using math and science. We'll see.
3. Well, all that really should have counted as more than one thing, but what can you do. The wine poll had the wonderful result of me winning once again! In a decisive 3-2 victory, white wine reigns supreme. What it really indicates is that my blog is read by a bunch of girls.
I have been on a very anti-alcohol kick recently. Not conciously, it never really is, but sometimes i just go out of my way to avoid it because i'm happy being in my own head. I've had a number of times in the last month where i've just been so deleriously happy just riding home on the train that it makes me sure i'm doing something right in my life.
4. Last weekend i volunteered at this great animal shelter here in Chicago called PAWS. They are mostly volunteer based, and it was really cool to see all those people on a Sunday playing with the animals and trying to help them find a home. I walked this one dog named Mac who was a chow mix just like the dog we had a home when i was growing up. He was so fluffy and layabout that he seemed just like Peaches the rug. Though he was much more energetic when i was walking him and he thought he could catch a squirrel.
Then i was working with the cat socialization. Basically the cats are just hanging out in these cages until there's enough space in the nice place on the north side for people to go see them. But these are cats mostly rescued from the pound who were about to be killed and had been more or less neglected and scared for a few weeks. So the volunteers just try to get them to come out of the cage and be petted without freaking out. There was this one fatty named Eliot who weighed 30 lbs. It was sad to see but he was so sweet it didn't matter. And then there was another tiny one who seemed so underfed it made me sad. But he warmed up too.
I didn't start to get depressed until i realized that all of the animals had literally been abandoned by people. It's not like they were wild and ravenous, they were just abandoned. PAWS doesn't take the animals from the pound until the last minute before they'd be put down, to give owners as much time as possible to come and pick them up. I'll probably go back again soon even though it's so far away.
5. And the new poll: this is something i've been thinking about for years, and i always go back and forth. There are things to be said for both sides.
Which means that today i'm finally just waiting for a PCR to run and i have enough time to just sit a little and plan ahead for more and get caught up in my notebook (i'm really behind, actually.) Also to write.
2. So, my novel. I sort of stopped writing in it because i got to the point that i always do, to wit, i read other books and realize that they're much better than my novel. Which is sort of not helpful, i know. But the plot still needs work, no matter how much i love the detective. I've been working on something else, something i'm a bit less passionate about but i'll give it some time.
One of my old grade school teachers called me a while back and told me an idea for a children's book series. She was coming at it from a purely money-making standpoint. She thought i should write stories about children who solve mysteries using real science. That way parents would want to buy them because the kids would secretly be learning. Also she said it should be a group of kids that is very inorganically planned to run the gamut of things kids could identify with.
It was a very mercenary approach to a story which gave me an initial feeling of revulsion. Plus i had no desire to write children's books, since it seemed like you'd have to contstrain your writing so much to keep it at the right level. So i played with it out of consideration but eventually shelved it in my brain. But then the other day i started thinking about it again.
I have a table i made of all the kids and their likes and dislikes and tics - there's a black kid, a deaf kid, an adopted Chinese girl, a kid with glasses, some twins that come from a poor family, and so on. I decided that most of them are on the same soccer team to give a reason for them to meet and be together. I've come up with a few mysteries that could concievably be solved by 5th graders using math and science. We'll see.
3. Well, all that really should have counted as more than one thing, but what can you do. The wine poll had the wonderful result of me winning once again! In a decisive 3-2 victory, white wine reigns supreme. What it really indicates is that my blog is read by a bunch of girls.
I have been on a very anti-alcohol kick recently. Not conciously, it never really is, but sometimes i just go out of my way to avoid it because i'm happy being in my own head. I've had a number of times in the last month where i've just been so deleriously happy just riding home on the train that it makes me sure i'm doing something right in my life.
4. Last weekend i volunteered at this great animal shelter here in Chicago called PAWS. They are mostly volunteer based, and it was really cool to see all those people on a Sunday playing with the animals and trying to help them find a home. I walked this one dog named Mac who was a chow mix just like the dog we had a home when i was growing up. He was so fluffy and layabout that he seemed just like Peaches the rug. Though he was much more energetic when i was walking him and he thought he could catch a squirrel.
Then i was working with the cat socialization. Basically the cats are just hanging out in these cages until there's enough space in the nice place on the north side for people to go see them. But these are cats mostly rescued from the pound who were about to be killed and had been more or less neglected and scared for a few weeks. So the volunteers just try to get them to come out of the cage and be petted without freaking out. There was this one fatty named Eliot who weighed 30 lbs. It was sad to see but he was so sweet it didn't matter. And then there was another tiny one who seemed so underfed it made me sad. But he warmed up too.
I didn't start to get depressed until i realized that all of the animals had literally been abandoned by people. It's not like they were wild and ravenous, they were just abandoned. PAWS doesn't take the animals from the pound until the last minute before they'd be put down, to give owners as much time as possible to come and pick them up. I'll probably go back again soon even though it's so far away.
5. And the new poll: this is something i've been thinking about for years, and i always go back and forth. There are things to be said for both sides.
2/06/2009
Southern Hungary
1. I am reading this gigantic book by David Foster Wallace called Infinite Jest. When Wallace killed himself last year everyone and their mother was talking about him and writing retrospectives. I'd heard of him, but never read anything. I read a few of his short stories and using amazon reviews decided that Infinite Jest was if not the best at least the most Wallace-y of them all and decided to get into it.
I am actually really enjoying it so far. The introduction (by David Eggers, Ashley) was sort of scary in that it was making the book seem like a really difficult read but trying to get the reader to still give it a try. So far it's not exactly an easy read, but after Dante nothing really seems that bad. It's certainly a book that engages you critically and it's not throwing itself at you, message-wise. But it is in no way impenetrable, it's not like Hegel or something. And anyway there was already one great line that knocked me out of my socks and made me stop reading because it was such a perfect sentence:
The sun like a sneaky keyhole view of hell.
Amazing.
2. So things at work have been stressful lately. Anytime you start a new project in science you never know how it's going to shake down. Sometimes you can try an assay and it works perfectly the first time. Sometimes it never works. Sometimes it works perfectly only once and then never again. Sometimes it's always sort of murky. As i've started saying, science is like a cat: it somehow knows what you want it to do and therefore does the exact opposite.
Anyway. My boss has been sort of anxious about this set of experiments i'm doing now, because he has a timeline for a grant resubmission that he needs to meet. So, of course, there have been problems with all three experiments. All different problems. I don't take it personally, i mean sometimes these things take time and it's not my fault. (Except for the on time when i did something stupid and then lied to my boss about it. I mean i didn't lie that it was ruined, but i didn't tell him about my stupidity. I blamed the cells. Sorry, cells.)
3. My new poll has once again validated my opinions. Pineapple has a plurality vote with citrus, which i'm pretty okay with. I was surprised that no one went with berries, considering how expensive they are. Oh, man! I just realized that i totally left out grapes! Laaaaaaaame. Sorry, grapes!
Anyway. I'll make it up to grapes and have a wine poll.
4. I just joined a gym through work (thanks, Mom.) It's actually really really nice. The lockers in the changing room are really innovatively locking, and there's actually conditioner in the showers. Plus they have tons of machines so i could easily use the one i wanted and it was great. Just listened to Rachel and spaced out for 40 minutes. They have a pool but i haven't investigated it yet, maybe tomorrow. The problem I've always had with swimming is that if the water is cold, i have negative zero desire to jump in. So it's usually easier to just go to the stupid machines instead.
5. So my work computer is kind of broken, and as i'm writing this now i'm in safe mode and for some reason the screen resolution refuses to change out of absurdly zoomed in. Someone is going to reformat it and reinstall everything. Here's hoping. I'm also terrified that i'll have forgotten to back up something and my boss will be mad.
Ugh, things are just really annoying at work right now. And this weekend i have to do laundry and my taxes and finish that thing for A+C and clean the house and just decompress. Maybe actually go outside when it's warmer.
I am actually really enjoying it so far. The introduction (by David Eggers, Ashley) was sort of scary in that it was making the book seem like a really difficult read but trying to get the reader to still give it a try. So far it's not exactly an easy read, but after Dante nothing really seems that bad. It's certainly a book that engages you critically and it's not throwing itself at you, message-wise. But it is in no way impenetrable, it's not like Hegel or something. And anyway there was already one great line that knocked me out of my socks and made me stop reading because it was such a perfect sentence:
The sun like a sneaky keyhole view of hell.
Amazing.
2. So things at work have been stressful lately. Anytime you start a new project in science you never know how it's going to shake down. Sometimes you can try an assay and it works perfectly the first time. Sometimes it never works. Sometimes it works perfectly only once and then never again. Sometimes it's always sort of murky. As i've started saying, science is like a cat: it somehow knows what you want it to do and therefore does the exact opposite.
Anyway. My boss has been sort of anxious about this set of experiments i'm doing now, because he has a timeline for a grant resubmission that he needs to meet. So, of course, there have been problems with all three experiments. All different problems. I don't take it personally, i mean sometimes these things take time and it's not my fault. (Except for the on time when i did something stupid and then lied to my boss about it. I mean i didn't lie that it was ruined, but i didn't tell him about my stupidity. I blamed the cells. Sorry, cells.)
3. My new poll has once again validated my opinions. Pineapple has a plurality vote with citrus, which i'm pretty okay with. I was surprised that no one went with berries, considering how expensive they are. Oh, man! I just realized that i totally left out grapes! Laaaaaaaame. Sorry, grapes!
Anyway. I'll make it up to grapes and have a wine poll.
4. I just joined a gym through work (thanks, Mom.) It's actually really really nice. The lockers in the changing room are really innovatively locking, and there's actually conditioner in the showers. Plus they have tons of machines so i could easily use the one i wanted and it was great. Just listened to Rachel and spaced out for 40 minutes. They have a pool but i haven't investigated it yet, maybe tomorrow. The problem I've always had with swimming is that if the water is cold, i have negative zero desire to jump in. So it's usually easier to just go to the stupid machines instead.
5. So my work computer is kind of broken, and as i'm writing this now i'm in safe mode and for some reason the screen resolution refuses to change out of absurdly zoomed in. Someone is going to reformat it and reinstall everything. Here's hoping. I'm also terrified that i'll have forgotten to back up something and my boss will be mad.
Ugh, things are just really annoying at work right now. And this weekend i have to do laundry and my taxes and finish that thing for A+C and clean the house and just decompress. Maybe actually go outside when it's warmer.
1/23/2009
I Will Miss Some Days, Deal With It
1. So the polls have indicated that fish are the most delicious of all the animals. Unfortunately for most people, they're also the most expensive, so there you go. Some gross people (probably Alex) think that birds and mammals are more delicious. This is obviously an error.
The new poll will be quite informative, i think, and it may need a playoff once all the votes are in. We'll see.
2. Man, on inauguration day i was almost-crying all over the place. I'm really glad that i have the kind of job where we can all decide to go down to a sports bar for lunch/the inauguration. It was pretty amazing to see the place full of people who just wanted to see him get sworn in. People were applauding! In a bar! I know, weird. But it was pretty awesome. It's like the moon landing, or 9/11, one of those moments that you always remember what was going on.
Though now i just am constantly terrified that he's going to get shot. We missed our chance with RFK, you know? I can't take that again. (Not that i was, you know, alive for it.) I guess President Palmer didn't die until after he left office anyway.
Also i really dug the John Williams song; as much as i razz him, that guy is amazing. Every time i read his wikipedia article there's something else i didn't know he did (the NBC football song?!) He wins forever for the Olympics song, though. BUM BAM BAH BUM BUM BUM BOOM BUMBUMBUMBUMBUAHBUM BUMBAH BUH BUM BUMBUM. Delightful.
3. So i'm working with something that is incredibly toxic. The MSDS (material safety data sheet) human health hazards:
DANGER!
MAY BE FATAL IF SWALLOWED
BIRTH DEFECT HAZARD
CAN CAUSE BIRTH DEFECTS
Toxic to aquatic organisms
MAY CAUSE DAMAGE TO THE FOLLOWING ORGANS: KIDNEYS, REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM, LIVER, GASTROINTESTINAL TRACT, CARDIOVASCULAR SYSTEM.
MAY BE HARMFUL TO ENVIRONMENT IF RELEASE IN LARGE AMOUNTS.
Yeah basically since i opened the bottle i've been pretty sure i'm going to die.
4. So i have to go to the dentist. I more or less hate teeth, and if i had some sort of whale baleen i'd be really happy. I hate every moment that i am engaged in somehow dealing with my teeth, and the dentist is the absolute worst. I hate the noise of the little tools, the antiseptic smell, the gross teeth smell, the lectures about flossing, the stupid fluoride so you can't eat, all of it. My life has been good for the last three years when i haven't gone, but now i have to be a grown up about it and actually get a cleaning. It's lame. LAME.
5. Since dave bugged me, i will write one last thing sort of half-assed. I am currently watching Velvet Goldmine, and i don't know why i haven't already. The answer is probably that i waited until i didn't have to pay for it. But the cast! Ewan McGregor, Jonathan Rhys Myers (not to be confused with John Rhys-Davies), Christian Bale, and Eddie Izzard! I am set. I'll let you know how it goes.
The new poll will be quite informative, i think, and it may need a playoff once all the votes are in. We'll see.
2. Man, on inauguration day i was almost-crying all over the place. I'm really glad that i have the kind of job where we can all decide to go down to a sports bar for lunch/the inauguration. It was pretty amazing to see the place full of people who just wanted to see him get sworn in. People were applauding! In a bar! I know, weird. But it was pretty awesome. It's like the moon landing, or 9/11, one of those moments that you always remember what was going on.
Though now i just am constantly terrified that he's going to get shot. We missed our chance with RFK, you know? I can't take that again. (Not that i was, you know, alive for it.) I guess President Palmer didn't die until after he left office anyway.
Also i really dug the John Williams song; as much as i razz him, that guy is amazing. Every time i read his wikipedia article there's something else i didn't know he did (the NBC football song?!) He wins forever for the Olympics song, though. BUM BAM BAH BUM BUM BUM BOOM BUMBUMBUMBUMBUAHBUM BUMBAH BUH BUM BUMBUM. Delightful.
3. So i'm working with something that is incredibly toxic. The MSDS (material safety data sheet) human health hazards:
DANGER!
MAY BE FATAL IF SWALLOWED
BIRTH DEFECT HAZARD
CAN CAUSE BIRTH DEFECTS
Toxic to aquatic organisms
MAY CAUSE DAMAGE TO THE FOLLOWING ORGANS: KIDNEYS, REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM, LIVER, GASTROINTESTINAL TRACT, CARDIOVASCULAR SYSTEM.
MAY BE HARMFUL TO ENVIRONMENT IF RELEASE IN LARGE AMOUNTS.
Yeah basically since i opened the bottle i've been pretty sure i'm going to die.
4. So i have to go to the dentist. I more or less hate teeth, and if i had some sort of whale baleen i'd be really happy. I hate every moment that i am engaged in somehow dealing with my teeth, and the dentist is the absolute worst. I hate the noise of the little tools, the antiseptic smell, the gross teeth smell, the lectures about flossing, the stupid fluoride so you can't eat, all of it. My life has been good for the last three years when i haven't gone, but now i have to be a grown up about it and actually get a cleaning. It's lame. LAME.
5. Since dave bugged me, i will write one last thing sort of half-assed. I am currently watching Velvet Goldmine, and i don't know why i haven't already. The answer is probably that i waited until i didn't have to pay for it. But the cast! Ewan McGregor, Jonathan Rhys Myers (not to be confused with John Rhys-Davies), Christian Bale, and Eddie Izzard! I am set. I'll let you know how it goes.
1/15/2009
Come On, FedEx!
1. So! It is obvious to me that i just gave up on the blog out of laziness, and not because it was actually working as an impetus to get me working on the novel again. The thing is, i feel obnoxious writing the novel at work, even though i have no problem with playing stupid flash games or reading news. I feel sort of bad leaving the detective in the midst of her existential crisis without finishing that or the, you know, story. Maybe the problem is that i like her and my characters but the plot isn't quite working. I already know that i want to take out the superfluous Sadie character. We'll see. The first draft must be finished or may i be horribly crushed from above somehow.
2. The last two days have been notable in Chicago for being pretty darn cold. For Paul and me personally, it has been even colder, as the furnace in our building stopped working. It's theoretically fixed now, though the apartment was still not back to normal warmth this morning. Chicago actually has really great tenant's rights, so we got a space heater for the bedroom and we can deduct it from our rent. Needless to say, it has been a painful experience, especially for my feet.
3. Speaking of feet: I want to make sure that everyone knows about the perils of frostbite. If you start to feel numbness in any extremities, you need to get to warmth immediately. The best thing to do is put your (for example) feet into cold water, and start warming the water up slowly as you can stand it. Do not warm too fast or you could literally burn your feet and make it much much worse. Keep an eye on your skin color - turning red is good, turning white is bad, and turning black is please go to the hospital. (Obviously that advice is contingent on your initial skin color.) The red means that blood flow is returning and all is well. It may take a few minutes in the water, but just keep an eye on it and be careful.
4. Right now i want to go home, but i am waiting for FedEx to show up with a package. See, i thought i'd be clever and run my western because i ordered the antibody yesterday and they always come overnight. However, apparently, due to the ridiculous cold, the FedEx people are running late. Lame! Very lame.
5. There has been a confluence of things that have made me eat lunch almost exclusively at the hospital at this point.
a. It's really cold outside, did i mention that?
b. I am sick to death of Panera breadbowls or bagels and scones. I am also sick of subway turkey, and Potbellies.
c. Everything else is too expensive or far away.
But luckily the hospital cafeteria isn't that bad. They have a good chinese-type place, and some really good salads with chicken in so that you can eat them as lunch and aren't starving by three. Also i have been working through the delicious but plentiful grapefruits that Paul's mother sent us for Christmas. Since Paul hates them, i have the right to claim that i've eaten almost a dozen grapefruits in less than a month. I am also starting to hate them. Now that Paul has sworn off citrus forever (stomach issues) i also have to finish the oranges. Woe! Also i bought a pineapple because they're on sale at Jewel and i think that pineapple may be my favorite fruit. What a good poll idea. Oh right i used to talk about polls. Tomorrow.
2. The last two days have been notable in Chicago for being pretty darn cold. For Paul and me personally, it has been even colder, as the furnace in our building stopped working. It's theoretically fixed now, though the apartment was still not back to normal warmth this morning. Chicago actually has really great tenant's rights, so we got a space heater for the bedroom and we can deduct it from our rent. Needless to say, it has been a painful experience, especially for my feet.
3. Speaking of feet: I want to make sure that everyone knows about the perils of frostbite. If you start to feel numbness in any extremities, you need to get to warmth immediately. The best thing to do is put your (for example) feet into cold water, and start warming the water up slowly as you can stand it. Do not warm too fast or you could literally burn your feet and make it much much worse. Keep an eye on your skin color - turning red is good, turning white is bad, and turning black is please go to the hospital. (Obviously that advice is contingent on your initial skin color.) The red means that blood flow is returning and all is well. It may take a few minutes in the water, but just keep an eye on it and be careful.
4. Right now i want to go home, but i am waiting for FedEx to show up with a package. See, i thought i'd be clever and run my western because i ordered the antibody yesterday and they always come overnight. However, apparently, due to the ridiculous cold, the FedEx people are running late. Lame! Very lame.
5. There has been a confluence of things that have made me eat lunch almost exclusively at the hospital at this point.
a. It's really cold outside, did i mention that?
b. I am sick to death of Panera breadbowls or bagels and scones. I am also sick of subway turkey, and Potbellies.
c. Everything else is too expensive or far away.
But luckily the hospital cafeteria isn't that bad. They have a good chinese-type place, and some really good salads with chicken in so that you can eat them as lunch and aren't starving by three. Also i have been working through the delicious but plentiful grapefruits that Paul's mother sent us for Christmas. Since Paul hates them, i have the right to claim that i've eaten almost a dozen grapefruits in less than a month. I am also starting to hate them. Now that Paul has sworn off citrus forever (stomach issues) i also have to finish the oranges. Woe! Also i bought a pineapple because they're on sale at Jewel and i think that pineapple may be my favorite fruit. What a good poll idea. Oh right i used to talk about polls. Tomorrow.
1/10/2009
Finally, right?
Both mom and Paul asked me why i don't write here anymore. I honestly didn't think anyone noticed.
Anyway, i've finally updated on my novel. I was actually hungry to write again, because i missed my detective and oddly Harvey even though he's not really an important character. Also i wanted to see how things worked out with Nora. As always, you can read it if you ask.
The detective went back to work, but just to stop by and make sure nothing was waiting for her. Her inboxes, both virtual and physical, were empty. The detective didn't even take off her coat and just left. She felt Sadie's eyes on her back as she ducked out only five minutes after she'd arrived.
Back at her house everything was silent. No James, and Charlie was napping quietly at the window. He got up and stretched at her arrival, perhaps puzzled as to why she was home early again. Sometimes the detective wondered if she anthropomorphized her cat a bit too much.
Anyway, i've finally updated on my novel. I was actually hungry to write again, because i missed my detective and oddly Harvey even though he's not really an important character. Also i wanted to see how things worked out with Nora. As always, you can read it if you ask.
The detective went back to work, but just to stop by and make sure nothing was waiting for her. Her inboxes, both virtual and physical, were empty. The detective didn't even take off her coat and just left. She felt Sadie's eyes on her back as she ducked out only five minutes after she'd arrived.
Back at her house everything was silent. No James, and Charlie was napping quietly at the window. He got up and stretched at her arrival, perhaps puzzled as to why she was home early again. Sometimes the detective wondered if she anthropomorphized her cat a bit too much.
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